So you’re dating a woman, and everything seems great. You’ve been on a few dates, maybe even hooked up, and now you’re feeling the pull towards something more serious. You think, “Why not just ask her to be exclusive?”

But here’s the cold, hard truth: asking for exclusivity too soon could tank the whole thing. Let me explain why.

The Biggest Mistake Guys Make Early On

First off, one of the biggest mistakes guys make is asking for a relationship too quickly. You might be tempted to push for exclusivity after just a few dates, but if she’s not there yet, you’re setting yourself up for rejection. And that’s a problem.

When a woman isn’t ready for that step, she’s not going to say “yes” out of the blue. In the worst-case scenario, she may feel pressured or uncomfortable, leading her to distance herself from you. You need to recognize that women typically take more time to develop strong feelings. It’s a process that could take two to three months — minimum.

Trying to rush this makes you come across as needy or impatient. No woman wants to date a guy who seems to be rushing towards commitment before she’s even figured out where her own feelings stand. The guy in the story we’re talking about today? He made exactly that mistake, and things blew up fast.

Red Flags She Might Be Throwing (That You Shouldn’t Ignore)

I came across a story on Reddit where a guy went out on three dates with a woman who lived an hour away. After their third date, they hooked up. Everything seemed fine until, just days later, she abruptly ended things.

Why? She said she couldn’t handle another long-distance relationship. But let’s be real: the long-distance excuse was just that — an excuse. There was more going on.

Turns out, he’d tried to talk about the relationship way too soon. He dropped the “exclusive” bomb early on, and that’s where things started to fall apart. Instead of letting the relationship develop at its own pace, he tried to take control — and it backfired.

She had already mentioned that she had commitment issues but was in therapy for it. That’s a red flag right there. If someone says they have commitment issues, believe them. It doesn’t mean they’re a bad person or that you should immediately run, but it does mean that pushing for exclusivity could trigger their commitment fears. Taking your time helps in these scenarios, letting her feel things out at her own pace without pressure.

Stop Misreading Her Actions

One mistake this guy made was misreading the intimacy they shared as something more meaningful. Many guys think that if a woman hooks up with them, it means she’s chosen them.

Wrong.

In today’s world, hooking up doesn’t necessarily mean she’s all-in for a relationship. Women can separate physical attraction from emotional commitment, just like men can.

Sure, she cuddled him after the hookup and seemed affectionate, but that doesn’t mean she was ready to be someone’s girlfriend. Women can enjoy the moment without committing to more. It’s common for women to behave normally in person, but once they’ve had some time to think, they reevaluate. That’s why she probably waited until after he left to tell him things couldn’t go further.

Here’s the deal: If you pressure her for exclusivity or assume the hookup “sealed the deal,” you’ll often end up disappointed. It’s important not to confuse short-term feelings with long-term compatibility.

Why Asking for a Relationship Backfires

When a guy asks too soon for a relationship — like “hey, let’s be exclusive” — he projects his feelings onto her. He assumes, “Well, I’m feeling this, so she must be feeling it too.” Not the case.

What’s going on is that women often need more time to process their feelings, while guys tend to move much quicker. We’re driven by lust at first, and that throws off our judgment. But if you ask her to commit before she’s done her internal “vetting” process, you push her away.

The vetting process for women usually takes around two to three months. That’s why I say, give it time. If she wants a relationship, she’ll come to you. When she’s ready, she’ll ask, “What are we? Are we serious?” If she’s not asking that by month three or four, the relationship probably isn’t moving in the direction you want it to.

What If She’s Not Asking?

If you’re months into dating with no signs that she’s thinking long-term, it could mean one of two things: she either isn’t into you enough, or she’s just not ready for a relationship.

Either way, it’s vital not to push the issue.

Wait for her to signal she’s ready. Patience shows confidence in yourself and in the process. When she’s the one asking for exclusivity, it’s because she’s sure. And that makes her far less likely to back out later.

Let’s be clear: If after six months she still hasn’t suggested making things official, it might be time to reevaluate the situation. But in those early stages? Play it cool and keep your options open.

Don’t Fall Into the Trap of Chasing Labels

One thing this guy did that really hurt his chances was echoing her own uncertainty right back to her. He agreed to keep things casual after she said she wasn’t prepared for something serious.

While it’s good not to pressure her, you can’t be wishy-washy in your intentions either. Be mindful of how you approach any kind of relationship talk. Ideally, just don’t bring it up at all.

By month two or three, if she’s invested, she’ll ask you what the deal is. If you can hold off on discussing exclusivity until then, your chances of getting into a stable and successful relationship are much higher. Just because you’re feeling the itch to lock things down doesn’t mean it’s the right time to mention it.

The Bottom Line

Asking for a relationship too early is a quick way to sabotage something that could’ve turned out great. Women need time to develop feelings at their own pace. If she’s going to commit, she’ll come to you when she’s ready.

Your job as a guy is to relax, enjoy getting to know her, and let the relationship naturally progress or dissolve over time. And remember: Never ask for exclusivity too soon. Let her ask you for it. When she does, it’ll be because she’s sure of you, not because she felt pressured.

Got thoughts on this? Drop a comment below and let me know your take on whether men or women should bring up exclusivity. And if you’re dealing with a dating situation, feel free to reach out. You can always email me at [email protected] or check out my coaching and ebooks at IntrovertDatingSuccess.com.

Until next time, stay patient and smart in your dating life!

Harry Wilmington is a men’s dating coach with 20 years experience of helping men navigate the dating world and better understand women. Preview his newest book, “Stop Losing Women,” by clicking HERE.